I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
