I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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