I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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