I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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