i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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