you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
