Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize