I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
