you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
