hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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