if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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