last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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