when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
