so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
