do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
