If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
