THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just cut my nipple shaving
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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