A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
