after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
