Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
