Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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