remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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