This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
