paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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