Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
