I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize