i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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