May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
