you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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