My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
