it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
