I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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