i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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