I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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