no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
