Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize