How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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