Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
