i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
