My liver just broke up with me...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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