My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
