I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
