I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
