You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
either way he was missing a nipple.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
