guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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