How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
