Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
