i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
