You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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