I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
