im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
