Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
