Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
