Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize