We're facebook friends in real life
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
