she takes plan B like it's going out of style
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
