there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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