she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
