he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't notice because vodka
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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