I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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