East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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