my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
