she woke up with a sticky ear
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
A+ Viking dick
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize