She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
