at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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