I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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