she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
