You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
