Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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