I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
