She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
