I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
