I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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