I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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