I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
