i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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