Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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