try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You made out with two different species that night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize