**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize