drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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