Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
