I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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