watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
