Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
