Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pappa wants mamma naked
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
