i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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