Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
