I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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