how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
