She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
