I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
