that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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