I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
