Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
