I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
