it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
