A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
