I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
