its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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