I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize